A couple of overdue rants...

Is it just me, or is everybody else sick of this flipping 'MPs' expenses' debacle?

Personally, I don't really give a tinker's cuss what public monies the little dears have been directing towards their own wallets to pay for their mucky-film hire and take-away curries - how ever much the bill comes to it would be but a drop in the ocean compared to the gazillions Comrade Brown has chucked at various banks, had the elves photocopy at the Mint or blown on bomb-dropping sprees in the Middle East. What it IS, however, evidence of, in my humble opinion, is a very nasty little facet to the English character (as if there weren't enough anyway); ie. the deep seated dislike of anybody who has more money than you do and a sort of obsessive-compulsive need to Cut Them Down To Size. Now, I have a suspicion this has its roots in the fact the English are, always have been, and always will be, essentially feudal in outlook and are thus never so happy as when they can have a good old moan about the 'toffs' they perceive as 'above' them in status whilst simultaneously dumping royally on anyone unlucky enough to be thought to be 'below' so that they Stay There. Monty Python, not for the only time, was bang on the money about that one. I could go on about this but I shall save that for another outing (there's bound to be one!). The essence of my theory is if your average Englishman finds out you earn 50p more than him per annum, your days on his Christmas Card List are numbered. (And ironically these are the people who have such a downer on Communism... beats me!)

I've lost count of how many whinges along the lines of 'MPs are paid too much anyway, it's disgusting they've been fiddling their expenses and defrauding the taxpayer' I've seen on various public fora. What this ACTUALLY means is 'MPs are paid more than ME and I'm jealous *I* haven't had the chance to put my paw in the till too'.. Because, and make no mistake about it, I would be extremely surprised if any of the Oh-So-Moral (and I regret to say largely fairly illiterate) commentators would behave any differently were THEY put in the same environment as our beloved elected leaders. You don't fool me, contributors to the BBC Have Your Say forum, oh no,...

What completely bypasses the subjective little minds of these people is the fact that in real terms, our MPs are NOT paid much money. The current salary for the average MP is £65K per annum - which moreover is taxable - ie. about the same as one might expect to get for a fairly average middle-management position. We only the pay the Prime Minister himself around £195K which is far, far, less than the MD of even a moderately-sized company could expect to receive per annum. All THIS is, I would suggest, the problem - to quote my Dear Old Dad, 'you pay peanuts, you get monkeys'. In this case monkeys of very average ability WHO WE ARE EXPECTING TO RUN THE COUNTRY. Is it any surprise, then, we are in the abject mess in which we currently find ourselves?

The trouble is, given the English need to knock down anybody climbing up the greasy pole faster than they can, there isn't an easy way out of this. Given the current furore over a few thousand quid blown on some cushions CAN YOU IMAGINE the uproar there would be if we kicked the whole bag of mediocrities currently at Westminster out and replaced them with truly excellent, innovative and imaginative, leaders - and paid them industry-equivalent salaries?? I suspect the BBC Have Your Say server would melt down in around 10 minutes under the weight of grammatically-dubious protest coming its way. The same people who have absolutely no problem with various anorexic, bipolar, junkie, chanteuses earning, say, a conservative £2m per annum for inflicting what they laughingly call 'music' on the world would have an instant cardiac at the thought of paying somebody even half that amount to run our country.

I will NEVER understand the English... and frankly, I am absolutely nauseated by the spectacle of so many MPs, shiftily shuffling their feet around, eyes downcast in the best Princess Diana tradition, SAYING SORRY for being naughty boys and girls and helping themselves to that wicked patio heater. It's just more evidence to me of their basic mediocrity and craven need to stay on the little pedestals they've clawed their way on to - I'd have FAR more respect for them if they just said 'Stuff you - I needed that patio heater, I was entitled to claim for it and I'll bloody well do so again given half the chance'. At least that would be honest.

Which brings me on to my next overdue topic of discussion... swine flu. Again, I am sick to my back teeth of listening to the endless chatter about this particular topic. According to a report made only a few hours from my writing this, there have been 4,700 cases worldwide and 61 deaths so far: my reaction? BIG BLEDDY DEAL. Sorry guys, but these figures would just not be newsworthy were the media not intent on following the dictates of their political masters and are whipping up hysteria about it in a vain attempt to divert attention from the economic situation.

So, in the best iconoclastic vein, here is an effort to restore some balance... the Angevin attempt to try to put some perspective on things:
- It is estimated that each year in the UK alone around 114,000 people die from tobacco-related diseases
- Estimates of annual alcohol-related deaths in England and Wales vary from 5,000 to 40,000.
- Since the beginning of August 2008 91,164 cases of cholera were reported in Zimbabwe alone, 4,037 of them were mortal.
- From 1967-1993, the World Health Organization has reported an annual average of 1666 cases of bubonic plague. The number of actual cases is probably much higher, given the failure of many countries to diagnose and report the plague. In America an average of 10-15 cases per year have been reported during the last few decades.

So get real guys... yes, the swine flu can, has and probably will continue to, kill people. But so do a lot of other things - AND WE HAVE A VACCINE FOR SWINE FLU. Frankly, I'd take my chances with bedding down with the dear little piggies for a week rather than try to cross the road at Hyde Park Corner during daylight hours...