Individuality

We are all told 'It's good to be original; not to follow the crowd; express yourself" etc etc blah blah drone drone. So, if that is the case, why is it when somebody DOES do precisely that they are either highlighted as an object of ridicule or subjected to disapproval for not trying to 'fit in'?

Two examples from La Vie Angevin come to mind. Firstly, and most personally, is the issue of my spectacles. I am VERY short sighted - Vision Express refuse to deal with me ("We don't serve the blind" as one less-than-tactful-salesman in the Oxford branch informed me) and have been since I was seven so I am fairly experienced with regard to choosing frames. I have the sort of face which cannot 'take' small frames - I look like the village idiot or an escapee from a mental institution if I wear them - and so I usually do my damn'dest to find the largest specs I can (I recommend Cutler and Gross Vintage btw). The large frames have the added benefit of giving me pretty comprehensive vision - there are no 'herebedragons' regions where the lenses stop and my crap eyes take over, if you see what I mean - but that's a minor point, my choice in this regard is purely for purposes of vanity and if I pretended otherwise I'd be lying. My current specs are pretty large is has to be said - but it also has to be said they are very 'individual'. Which is a good thing, innit???

Bollox - you should SEE people's reaction. Most times I venture outside in specs rather than contact lenses it is about 5 minutes before somebody spots me, does a double take and then either tries to smother a grin, nudges whoever they are with or in the most shameless cases, just stares openly at me. Once I had three generations of the same family sitting at a nearby table who were quite blatantly in absolute hysterics (I gave the grandmother a piece of my mind for not bringing up the rest of them properly as it happens, but that's another issue). Most of the time I have to endure people's attempts at being subtle (which are very far from being so) - they tend to be treated to one of my 'looks' and usually have the grace to look shamefaced.

So, folks, I am faced with a dilemma - do I do what I'm happy with, knowing that despite their large size my glasses do actually suit me? Or do I bow to the pressure to conform, buy little frames and walk around feeling hideous, expecting mental nurses to leap out and attempt to incarcerate me at every corner? Or, do I whenever possible attempt to make people think about their reactions and challenge them with their own silly prejudices? Actually, most of the time I can't be arsed and just put my contact lenses in to go outside Chateau Angevin - who's a moral coward now??

The second example I have for you centres around Mini-me and his education. This is an enormous topic which doubtless will crop up from time to time on these pages, but today I'm going to concentrate on one very small area. 'Joining in' - or lack of it in Mini's case. During the two days a week he attends school (I teach him at home the rest of the time) he does not, apparently 'join in'. I have tried to tactfully suggest this is perhaps because he finds what the other kids are doing rather dull (he is, for example on Oxford Reading Tree Level 5-6 when the other kids are still on Level 2-3) but this has been rejected by his class teacher. (He will, apparently, do the paintings and craft stuff the others do after they've finished - ie. in his own time). When I've asked him why he won't join in with the others he says 'It's too noisy, Mum' - again a claim which is rejected by his class teacher. As far as I can establish, he just likes doing his work by himself and getting on with it - he isn't really into teamwork.

However, today I was told he isn't joining in in the playground either. I questioned this as whenever I've taken him to playgrounds or he's been in social situations with his peers he has NO TROUBLE at all playing with other children. Quite the opposite in fact - 'party animal' has been used to describe him before. When questioned further, it appears he wouldn't 'join in' with a game organised by one of the teachers- he was quite happy to run around playing tag and leaping all over the play equipment when it was 'free play'. I didn't say anything much at the time, but I've been mulling it over for the last few hours and I'm now actually quite irritated by all this.

Now, I admit, here I am torn - naturally for my own selfish reasons I'd love to have glowing reports from school saying what a delight he is to teach, etc etc; but I absolutely do not want to force him into behaviour which makes him deeply unhappy simply to achieve that. And the bottom line is he WOULD be a very miserable little boy if he was made to sit with the other children and do everything they did at the same time they did. Mini has a very clear distinction in his head between 'work', which he does on his own, and 'play' which he does with as many people as he can. I COULD try to explain to his teacher that 'organised games' even though they ARE still 'games' to us adults sit firmly in the 'work' portion of Mini's view of the world; but somehow I don't think she'd pay much attention. Because here Mini, in a far more serious area, is hitting the brick wall I do when I go out wearing my specs - he isn't conforming, and he is therefore deeply suspect.

I know where all this is heading - once again in the near future I'm going to have to defend him against having the 'Autism' label smacked on him for the convenience of the educational establishment. Mini is NOT autistic - he's 'different' and he may indeed have some syndrome or another, but autism it ain't. He isn't educationally under par either - I've already mentioned his reading ability, but this is also a child who is teaching himself French via Muzzy on TV and a few software programmes on his PC, as I discovered today when I said something in French to him accidentally and he replied beautifully, with a perfect accent, without missing a beat. I teach him at home and don't really have a problem dinning things into him, mostly because I don't have any prejudices about how he 'should' learn or 'should' react. Unfortunately for him, and this is a cross his dear old Mum's had to bear too, he is DIFFERENT. And in today's world, particularly today's educational world, that is bad, subversive, and a bad reflection on his parents.

I don't know what the answer is to all this, I only know that I have to do the best I can for my child (which is partly why I'm teaching him myself part-time - had I bowed to pressure in the past he'd probably be in a special school and dosed up the eyeballs on Ritalin by now). He is only five years old for goodness sake, why SHOULD he be made to feel awkward, or worse, for merely expressing his own preferences? When he is a bit older, and a bit more mature, it will be possible to explain to him that perhaps for the sake of a quiet life it's a good idea to conform a bit more, and he probably will because he likes to be liked. And despite his apparent 'problems' and apparent inability to 'join in' I am continually told about, he is one of the most popular people in his year - explain that one to me, if you can? It seems his peers have the same ability to value and cherish an individual little person I do, which his teachers and 'educational professionals' sadly lack. Whatever the outcome, I would rather have a happy little boy, triumphantly grubby after his experiments with mud - which he didn't want Mummy to help with- went the way he wanted them to; than a straightjacketed little robot bored out of his mind parrotting out whatever is on the National Curriculum for that given week.

In conclusion, society does NOT cherish individuality. It's deeply suspicious of it and anybody who dares to be different, or can't help being so, walks perhaps the most difficult path of all.